How the Other Half Lives
by eprime
Summary: Asami decides it's opposite day!


**Rating:** PG

**Pairing:** Asami/Akihito

**Spoilers: **References to the Love Surprise 1

**Contains:** Crack.

**Disclaimer:** These characters belong to Yamane Ayano, not me.

**Author's Note:** Written for vf_kinkmeme Open Prompt Fest. (so it's not kinky ^^) Based on the prompt: drunk Asami.

* * *

The last thing Akihito expected as he came out of the Magazine's offices was Asami waiting at the foot of the main steps. His heart leapt into his throat as Asami came toward him with an intent look.

"Asami?" Akihito clutched the strap of his camera bag nervously and stepped forward to meet him. "Is everything all right?"

"Akihito." Asami's voice was just a tiny bit louder than appropriate.

Akihito frowned. "What's going on?"

Large hands came down on his shoulders and Asami leaned down until they were eye to eye. Akihito stared.

"I'm drunk," Asami announced with a matter-of-fact nod.

Akihito's jaw sagged.

"Huh?"

"Druuuunk," Asami repeated, enunciating the word slowly as if Akihito hadn't understood it.

Akihito peered helplessly over Asami's shoulder at Kirishima who stood by the idling limo, pushing his glasses up his nose and looking distinctly uncomfortable. He gave a very very slight shrug when Akihito's eyebrows lifted. His gaze returned to Asami.

"Oookaay. Um...why?"

"Ah!" Asami held up a finger, a knowing smile directed at Akihito. "I'm not going to tell you."

Disgruntled, Akihito swatted Asami's hands away and ducked to the side. "Right. Well, this has been real or whatever, but I'm outta here. I've got things to-"

He found himself in the familiar position of viewing the sidewalk from the height of Asami's shoulder. He oofed as Asami strode swiftly to the limo, and oofed even more loudly when he was tossed inside.

"Goddammit, Asami! What's your problem? I-mmphhfff!"

The kiss shut him up for a good thirty seconds, and while he was catching his breath afterwards, Asami explained. Sort of.

"You always have fun when you're drunk. I figured you could give me pointers."

"You want pointers from me?"

"Yes."

"On how to be drunk?"

"On how to have fun when you're drunk," Asami reiterated. "I'm drunk already. I don't need pointers on that."

He pulled a decanter of expensive scotch from the wetbar and took a swig directly from the spout.

"Woah..." Akihito tried to wrench it out of Asami's hands. "Take it easy or you'll kill yourself."

"Please." Asami snorted, easily fending off Akihito's attempts. "Do you have any idea how much it took to get me in this condition? I'm not about to let it wear off now."

"I still don't get why you're doing this." Akihito peered anxiously at Asami's red-tinged eyes. "Did something bad happen?"

Asami scowled. "Since when do you want to talk? You're no fun after all."

"I just-" Akihito began indignantly, but was rudely interrupted by Asami's flapping hand. "If I wanted to talk about feelings ad nauseam, I'd call up Feilong for a chat."

Akihito went purple. "You-"

Once again he was interrupted by Asami laughing-more of a chuckle, no, a giggle, Akihito thought viciously-as Asami pulled out his phone and starting tapping his screen. Akihito's phone began to ring.

He eyed Asami suspiciously and retrieved his phone from his pocket. "Hello?"

"Fufufufufufu..." Asami chortled into his own phone.

Akihito snapped his phone shut and stared at Asami, half pissed off and half in fascination. "What the hell are you doing?"

Asami smirked. "I thought drunk dialing one's boyfriend was the thing to do."

Akihito went bright red.

That made Asami laugh too. "I knew I'd have more fun with you around."

Despite himself, that made Akihito glow a little bit on the inside, though he'd take that secret to his grave.

"Ha! So you admit you like having me around!" His triumphant crowing didn't last too long because Asami merely shook his head as if Akihito were incredibly dim.

"You're really slow if you're only figuring that out now."

Akihito scowled.

"So what's next?" Asami cocked his head. "Hm, if I were you-drunk you-I'd be all over me right now."

"Huh? That's not true!" His cheeks were burning again.

"Liar. Anytime you have anything stronger than a couple of beers, your 'nononono' becomes 'Oh, Asami, right _there_. _Harder! Harder!_"

Akihito would either have suffered an embolism or strangled Asami with his own tie if Kirishima hadn't chosen that moment to lower the divider. Suoh sat in the driver's seat, and Akihito met his gaze in the rear view mirror for a split second. The fact that Suoh actually looked sympathetic made his stomach drop all the way down to his feet.

"Excuse me, Asami-sama," Kirishima began politely. "Was there anywhere in particular you wanted to go?"

Oh, Akihito peered out the window. They were still sitting in front of the magazine office.

"Let him decide." Asami waved a hand in Akihito's direction, then a grin of pure mischief spread over his face. "Consider him your boss for the evening. We'll trade places. I'll be the troublesome little brat that wreaks havoc wherever I go."

"Hey!"

Asami grinned and took another swig from the decanter.

"Asami-sama." Kirishima tried again. "Perhaps it's best if you return home. I'm sure-"

Asami wagged his finger in the air. "Take it up with Takaba-sama."

Kirishima winced, shooting Akihito a weary, pleading look that still managed to be threatening. It said, 'if you do anything to make my life even more difficult today, you'll live to regret it'.

Akihito had always hated when someone tried to intimidate him. His courage rose to the challenge. He cracked his knuckles and grinned, leaning back against the seat and crossing one leg over the other in Asami's favorite pose.

"Put on your party hats, gentlemen. We're going to town."

Hours and hours later, they finally made it back home, worse for the wear and exhausted enough to fall into bed and actually asleep immediately. That was okay, they had done it in an impressive variety of venues and neighborhoods over the course of the night.

The highlight had definitely been Sudoh's private office at Dracaena for a good two hours solid, while he had fumed outside. Akihito had felt a little guilty about it actually, until Asami had assured him that he found his vindictive streak rather sexy.

The only downside to the evening was that Kirishima was now out for his blood, and he never had found out what sent Asami off on his drunken spree in the first place.

On the other hand, he had blackmail material to last for a lifetime and Asami had called him his boyfriend.

Life was good.


End file.
